Patterns plague us
But we are the designers
Seeing what we feed.
As humans we are plagued by patterns.
Not just the patterns of conscious growth
Of the many subspecies we are comprised of
But the metaphysical patterns of ancestral trauma.
These invisible lines of connection and disconnection.
Tracing love and what has been lost.
Outlining hopes, dysfunction’s, fears.
Dots of repetition.
Where one least expects them.
Lurking in corners,
under creature comforts.
Break away from what scares you
and it appears elsewhere.
Some things,
will always run deeper than the immediate.
Some things,
may always remain ingrained.
I want to draw my own lines through this life.
But remain haunted by patterns I’m trying desperately to escape.
They reappear at every turning,
every link to the past resides somewhere in the present.
I wonder how bound I am to all the emotional bonds before me.
To the emotional bonds that created me.
Am I but another ligament
in an eternal stream of the many life’s that created my being?
Not able to incise my own river and flow the way I choose?
For I am a fluid creature.
Unable to be contained by boxes decorated with labels.
I refuse to stagnate under such constraints.
Maybe some things will always be,
the emotional patterns and repetitions I have constantly dealt with.
Perhaps they are the ones I am subconsciously attracted to,
because maybe they will always seem like home?
These ties that form us,
these ties that bind us.
We cannot let these ties be the things that destroy us.
Such as the geometric patterns that repeat themselves in nature,
and again in our known universe.
Am I confined by the repeated dances of
wanting,
rebelling,
fixing
and loving
that appear again and again within my own bloodline?
I always thought the faster and fiercer I broke away
would be the destruction of these bonds.
I am finally learning how slow and methodical it has to be.
You cannot break these ropes
laced with the strength of diamonds.
Thread
by thread,
tether
by tether.
You must un-knot and untangle each one.
To heal and evolve
to heal and evolve.
Redb 